03/19/2015
It appears that the FIWC council of legends overlooked their obligations of announcing the Official Grand Opening of the 2015 FIWC last week. Our deepest regrets. Any so called victory from last week is null and void.
With today's formal and official opening melee for 2015, we want to make sure all cyclists acknowledge the SOP of the Circle of Doom.
FIWC begans sharply at 6pm from the boy scout camp. You all have Garmins that display precise time since you were too cheap to buy a real SRM head unit to that power meter you use that has yet to see 200 watts.
We do 10 counterclockwise short loops though we realize many of you may only survive a single digit number of laps. If you do get popped, please re-insert yourself like the tampon you are into the PELETON (not the break, you shmuck) near the starting location.
The average speed is always between 25.5 and 28.5 mph. This is the posted speed limit at Fiesta Island. Though we may at times approach vehicles, don't be that ding d**g masters guy that sprints around a car only to claim later about how his 10 second solo breakaway almost stuck.
Please take no offense to Cat Juan. Relish in his permanent chubbiness and recognize that when it comes to wheel sucking and never contributing 1 second of effort on the front, Juan is the best.
There is an official reward for the champion of every week that has been kindly offered by an anonymous donor. It is a fresh pint of Ballast Point beer. It must be redeemed at Ballast Point Brew Mart immediately following FIWC.
Please respect all vehicles, pedestrians, yourself, and your fellow cyclists.
Oh yeah, TT bikes are still gay.
