07/11/2025
Four years ago ….
Four years ago First Responders carried me on a stretcher out of my home. My then 14 year old watching from the kitchen. Me too not knowing if I would ever come home again. Me too praying I would.
C19-pneumonia had taken over my lungs, just 10 short days after my first symptom. I did make it home, only to be re-admitted one week later with a C19-provoked pulmonary embolism that also trashed my left ankle joint as it made its way through my heart and into my left lung. One in three people survive a PE. I spent the next year fighting many bouts of viral pneumonia, a couple more rounds of C19, and searched for myself among the endless doctor appointments, hospitalizations, and trials.
As I was in the illness and recovery journey, I was still recovering from 6 hand and wrist surgeries in 2020; plus six nerve blocks for pain management. A total of two years in Occupational Therapy, which I even did while lying in that CCU hospital room! I remember thinking, “if I survive this, my hand won’t suffer because of it!”
In 2023 I even ended up having shoulder surgery (after a freak accident), and months later a left thyroidectomy which also removed a large benign mass (a side effect of the medication that actually helped save my life). No complaints; and thankful to this day my solo thyroid is working perfectly!
All of 2020 through 2023 I spent five days a week in physical and or occupational therapy, and praying “one day I will feel like me again.”
Fast forward ….
Almost a year and a half ago ….
What you likely don’t know is one year ago (April 9th) I fell in my kitchen. Another trauma, so pain-filled I couldn’t even write about it; and only told a very few.
I tripped on our dog. It was 9pm but it wasn’t particularly dark in the house. I was doing dishes one minute, and screaming in pain the next. Fast forward, I had avulsion fractures of both elbows, multiple traumatic injuries to my right quad to tibia, traumatic bone bruising to my left knee, and jacked up hips. Worst of all was the pain to my soul. In that moment I hadn’t felt pain so deeply in my life, and I instantly felt the depth of how much I’ve been hiding the last 6 years.
My ortho asked me “why did you fall?” I said, “I am deeply grieving, scared, utterly exhausted, and completely emotionally distracted.” He then asked why I fell, trashing my left knee which needed surgery (by him) in 2015, and my answer was exactly the same. Different core reasons but yet the same.
He then said, “If you had hit your head the way you hit your knees (twice) we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I don’t know what’s going on, but you need to get your sh$& together and figure this out before a future fall kills you.”
In the blink of an eye, the moment I fell 16 months ago, and in the moment he said those words I knew what was needing to come next.
I needed to take back control of me.
I needed to stop living in a constant state of panic.
I needed to replace a lot of things with the Truth of God.
I needed to review where I’m at and to work hard to forge a new path to follow.
I needed to take care of me first and foremost, and so in turn I could take better care of my daughter.
I needed to surrender a lot of things.
I needed to assume responsibility for my action and inaction, and I needed to forgive others for theirs.
I needed to read some books, listen to some podcasts, and dig deep into some old Bible Study Journals.
I needed to find Truth again, and embrace it.
I needed to get my power back.
And I have.
I am down almost 60 pounds (in 16 months), all done through proper nutrition and motion! (It’s remarkable how much of self can be found when you MOVE and properly FUEL your body!)
A few weeks after my fall, I asked my P*P for help with “deep and debilitating cellular level stress that is painful.” Not depression, stress. We researched together, and I started on Metformin (1000mg in morning); as recent studies show it’s good for cellular level stress. I’m proof those studies are spot on! Within a week the physical pain of stress was gone, 100% gone. A year later it remains gone. To be clear, not the stress gone but the deep physical pain of it; which also has helped my focus and energy.
A few months later, in June, I called my P*P to circle back to another issue and we discussed researched options once again. I started 7.5mg of Miratzapine (aka Remeron) that night. Taken one hour before my head hits the pillow, it doesn’t knock me out, it helps the mind-racing anxiety quiet so I can drift off peacefully to sleep. It’s not even classified as a “sleeping” med as it doesn’t affect respiration. I’ve slept mostly great every night since then.
Side Bar: Did you know most sleeping meds are both addictive and lower respiration; which is why they are addictive - because your body gets used to the lowered O2 levels, and when you try to stop taking it your heart and mind race from the fluctuating O2 levels and “wants” the medicine.
A year ago, in July, I had a mild bout of Covid (yes, again; my 4th). A few weeks later my 2021 post-Covid tachycardia was back; and because of my history, I was admitted for 24 hours. Thank God everything was great. My cardiologist, I hadn’t seen in a year, added back one med and said, “you’re just one of the people who get tachycardia when they get Covid, one day we might know why.”
In December I followed up with my cardiologist and he said “your stats overall are the best they have been in 5 years! All the things you’re doing, keep going.”
I also get regular massages, which have helped detox 5 years of hardcore meds and anesthetics. The massages also have helped to heal my soul, thanks to all the hands-on gifts of my beautiful friend Lindsey at Rootedhandswellness - Deep Roots Massage
I stopped using all technology an hour before bedtime, and listen to Spotify Binaural Beats for Deep Sleep for a bit then I turn that off too …. and I count to four. Yes, four. Over and over and over until I fall asleep. Why four? I have no idea, but it’s what my brain started a year ago and it works every single time.
I go to the gym or pool at least 3 times a week, and if I can’t sleep I do gentle and basic yoga on the floor of my room or just stretches in bed.
I remain soda free, since December 2018.
I remain alcohol free, since December 2019.
I strive to meet with 1-2 friends a month for quality 1:1 time, even if just for an hour.
I talk to my mom more in the past year than in the previous five years; and visit her much more too, and I’m no longer afraid for her (or anyone) to see my truth or to answer hard questions.
I worked to heal the divide with my daughter, caused by trauma… and healed by the grace of God.
I stopped hiding behind always wearing hats everywhere I went; which I’ve learned hid my eyes.
I stopped hiding behind gym clothes; which I’ve learned made it easy to talk about recovering from 4 years of back-to-back health crises, instead of actually talking about me. Many lessons imparted through the experiences shared by Michelle
I stopped trying to ask and answer everything for my daughter, and worked to help her find her own voice.
I started going to church a bit early, and stay a bit after…. versus slipping in after it started and out before it ended just so no one would ask me “how are you.” If you ask, you will get truth.
I stop jumping to tell the IYKYK life stories, and started to pause and listen to others stories, and share bits of mine as guide Gods … not as trauma was guiding.
I made some huge positive changes to other areas of my life, and I’ve no clue what the next chapter will be, and I fully trust the author of my story.
I chose peace, finally. I chose peace, and in return feel more like me than I have in a decade.
🎶….. I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I'm meant to be, this is me. Look out 'cause here I come, and I'm marching on to the beat I drum, I'm not scared to be seen, I make no apologies, this is me.
💞 Thanks Jordyn for capturing a big moment of my journey … that of me loving myself, and that of me with My Love.
Now I think I’ll grab a and toast all the goodness in my life.
- Melinda