01/30/2026
❤️🦪 Recipe for Oyster Stew for the Masses🦪❤️
Yield: One very large pot of oyster stew
Serves: A crowd, a small army, or one Oyster Cook-Off… multiplied by FOUR if you’re us.
Ingredients
• ½ cup bacon grease (because flavor should have a backbone)
• 6 cups diced onions (yes, cups… not onions)
• 1 stick butter (the onions need emotional support)
• 3 #10 cans quartered artichokes (industrial-sized cans = we mean business)
• 4 #5 cans clam juice (the sea has been warned)
• 3 gallons heavy cream (this is not a typo)
• ¼ cup ground black pepper (season boldly)
• ¾ cup dried tarragon leaves (the “fancy” herb)
• ~1 cup cornstarch mixed with 2 cups water (slurry magic)
• 3 × 6-lb gallons of shucked oysters (that’s 18 pounds of oysters, friends)
If your oysters are truly Apalachicola oysters, they arrive delicious, confident, and fully salted by the bay itself. 🌊🦪
Adding salt would be… redundant. And possibly offensive. ☺️🦪
⸻
Directions
1. Begin with confidence.
In the largest pot you can find (borrow one if necessary), melt the bacon grease and butter. If the pot feels too small, it is.
2. Onion Olympics.
Add the diced onions and sauté until soft, fragrant, and causing passersby to wander over asking, “What are you making?”
3. Invite the Artichokes.
Add the artichokes. Stir gently, respecting their journey from a #10 can to stew stardom.
4. Release the Sea.
Pour in all the clam juice. Pause for a moment of silence for the ocean.
5. Cream… lots of it.
Add three gallons of heavy cream. Stir carefully unless you enjoy living dangerously.
6. Season like you mean it.
Add black pepper and tarragon. Taste. Adjust. Taste again. Nod approvingly.
7. Thicken the plot.
Slowly stir in the cornstarch slurry until the stew reaches that perfect “hug in a bowl” consistency.
8. The Grand Finale: Oysters.
Gently add the oysters. Stir lovingly. Simmer just until they’re tender and happy. Do not overcook unless you want oyster erasers.
9. Serve proudly.
Ladle into bowls, cups, mugs, or anything people bring you. Accept compliments graciously.
⸻
Notes from the Kitchen
• This recipe is multiplied by FOUR for our event, which means math stops making sense and the pot becomes a landmark.
• Recommended equipment: industrial pot, very long spoon, comfortable shoes, and a sense of humor.
• Warning: Once people taste this, they will ask for the recipe every year.
