24/06/2022
Celtman race report
Ok so this is more a trip report than a race report so best put the kettle on first or grab a beer and get comfy.
First off without Rita back at base and my rock from the off none of this would be possible, love you to the end of the universe and back times infinity šÆ
Holy s**t what the effing hell just happenedā¦.
Thursday morning 04:00 and Paul Conor and me waved goodbye to Rita who was stood in the drive to see us of on our epic roadtrip to The Celtman extreme triathlon, 14 hours later and just as registration was about to wrap up for the evening three sarcastic as f**k Irish lads walk in looking for the craic and banter and also to get our kit checked and register for the race, after a few frosty faces they start to warm to us and kit is passed and I pick up a few bits in the expo shop for the lads peak caps and buffs before we drive the last hour to Lochcarron where our B&B is located and the hotel so we can grab dinner.
So we get there and yep hotel is serving dinner and we see a few other athletes and just as we are about to leave I strike up a conversation with a lad wish him the best of luck and ask him his name, Imagar he replies,so I say might see you for the social swim in the morning Imagar and head out the door and as we walk to the car the lads say to me I think his name was Igar and he said Iām Igar not Imigar so I shake my head and say good man Damian ya flippin numpt.
We check into the B&B and the owners are a lovely couple called Fiona and Roy who know about the race and get us settled into our rooms I got the double bed and a room to myself and the lads share the twin, which was a god send as they both snore š¤ and I dontā¦. Allegedly.
So itās lashing out and blowing a gale so we kindly as would they mind if we had a quite beer together in the twin room and yep not a bother Roy even took our beer to his fridge in the kitchen came back and chatted for half an hour with us telling us about a local lad in the race, now I say race as some would be racing me,Iām in it to finish it first anything else will be a bonus, so boom usual thing happens me after a beer or two body says eh Damo bed time and at around 11pm Iām in the sack.
Friday and itās the social swim with my fellow nut jobs, now itās still lashing and wind speeds are 35 kph gusting 60 kph and we drive the 50 mins to the swim location which is the race start Saturday and Iām saying to the lads ahh here I can see this swim being axed and itāll end up a duathlon as we pass some Loughās and I can see white horses on the surface of the water.
To my horror and surprise when we get to Sheildaig I can see swim caps bobbing in the waves and dryrobes walking around shiiiittttt I think, we have a walk down to the pier get soaked in the rain nearly blown into the tide then I get a rush of s**t to the brain and say to Conor right Iām getting into the wetsuit and going in with no booties or gloves to see how I fair out. So in I go and after the initial shock itās not to bad roughly 12 degrees and similar to Carlingford but itās choppy as hell and the wind didnāt help any but I felt comfortable in the water, and did spot a handful of jellyfish and at one stage I was threading water chatting to another swimmer when I noticed a huge jelly underneath him so pointed it out to him before we both moved away.
So we decide to do a transition test and time me getting out of the wetsuit into my clothes at the car, and it was just over 4 mins so I was very happy with that and we have a chat with some of the other athletes and head off to check out the first 60km of the bike and a bit of the run course.
The first section is all up and down up and down lots of small 200 and 300 metre hills but thankfully after looking at the weather Iāll have a tail wind to assist, we stop on one of the first mountain passes to have a look at T2a on the run and man was it windy we could hardly hear each other but the views are breathtaking occasionally the sun pops out the mist clears and the highlands reveal themselves to us in all their glory. We head up the road to the 50km on the bike route to where I plan my first bottle hand over and again no major hills but just constant drags and Iām thinking this isnāt gonna be pretty sweet cheeks, at 60km we stop at the first town the lads will have a chance to get a break in, open the boot and fire up the camping stove for a bit grub and pot noodles are on the menu Paul brought enough noodles and dehydrated food to last two weeks and we grab a coffee in the cafe before heading back to Torridon and race HQ for the race brief. As itās a pretty small community hall there are two briefs and we are at the first which lasted an hour and in fairness the manual covered most of it so we were feeling good about race day plus the fact the race director hates with a vengeance people who use camper vans as support vehicles they are F@ he simply put it and the place was swarming with them so Iād say he was pulling his hair out. Traffic lights on a resurfacing section gave us an additional 5 mins which was good news for me times as my predicted cut off was very tight for T2a and the blue tee shirt.
So after the brief it was back to Lochcarron and the hotel for a dinner of pasta before hitting the B&B and sorting out the car for race day and a race brief with Conor and Paul which meant going over swim exit what happens in T1 from stripping me to dressing me as Iād be very cold with claws for hands and numb feet to marking on the laminated maps where Iād hoped to meet them for bottles and food on the bike leg planning my last stop to be 40km from the end of the bike and then into T2 and what items of clothes as Iād probably do a full change before the run section in the mountains. I did have a glass and a half of vino tinto to see if it would calm me and help me sleep but I knew Iād had a good sleep the night before and the chances of sleep night before a race weee slim, I was right sleep wasnāt happening but I accepted it and knew my body was resting and from the noise next door I could tell at least the two lads were sleeping š¤ and as usual I was up before the alarm call at 01:15 and the lads eating cereal and croissants.
So with just the bike to go on the roof rack we were off and out the gap at 02:00 and at that time of the year it doesnāt get really dark that far north in Scotland and we arrive nice and early into Sheildaig and get the car parked nice and close to T1 and the water exit.
Sh*ts getting real now, weather forecast wasnāt to far wrong strong winds and rain showers just it wasnāt raining so that was a Godsend well till we got the car parked then it started pi***ng down, luckily enough Iād remembered to cover my saddle with a couple of plastic bags as no point starting a long bike ride with a wet arse and Iād got my little arse saver mudguard on the bike as an added wee bit of protection from the spray coming up from the road. So with wet feet we collected the timing dibber which we need for timings at each transition entry and exit and our gps tracker which we need to carry on the bike and run then its back to the car and sort out T1, so bike off the roof and just the front wheel to pop in and just as s**te stinks I managed to squeeze out one of the brake blocks trying to get the wheel in so after a bit of a panic and digging out a set of pliers from the boot I get it sorted and bike is racked I hadnāt planned on leaving a bag as Conor was going to leave it in the car as it was still lashing but because of the wind the bike was swinging on the rail and I was afraid it would fall off so we had to prop the front wheel with the bag then back to the car for a few nervous minutes before I had to jump into the wetsuit, the rain eased thankfully as I donned the suit grabbed gloves booties and my option of two swim hats instead of the neoprene cap as last few times it gave me a bit of a friction burn, the lads walked with me to the buses waiting to take us the couple of kilometres to the race start we had a quick selfie fist bumps and on I got. The bus was full of chatter and yet calm as some chose to remain in their own thoughts and others just wanted nervous conversation with others, I chatted a bit with an American man whoās chat included telling me he raced once in Galway and every B&b he stayed in had a bottle of Irish whiskey on the table at breakfast, I probably should have gotten a few names as none Iāve ever stayed in offered that service.
The bus pulled up to a field and already there was a queue for the porta loo I didnāt feel the need so was grand as I made my way to a quite spot where an oil fired lantern was burning close to the tree line so Iād be both warm and dry, about 20 mins to go and they light these huge celtman symbols hanging off a big frame and thereās a band banging on drums and bagpipes are playing getting everyone in the mood as some dance and jig to the beating sounds, my I donāt sing and donāt dance so Iām happy to watch the spectacle unfold before spotting a fellow xtri community member Dave Caldwell and heading over for a chat before Kai one of the xtri photographers asks me to pose for a photo infront of the burning symbol. Then we get the call to enter the water and the race is about to begin.
So the horn sounds and its all white water as everyone fights for a position trying not to swim on top of someone while trying not to be swam over at the same time, the lead pack is gone and thereās only ones and two swimmers around me then I spot the first jellies of the swim just a handful as I try correct my swim thinking from head position down to feet all of a sudden Iām on my own canāt see anyone as I breathe to the right and same on the left, I sight and see Iām heading towards the first island so keep going round it then try look for the second but its over 2 km away so canāt see it so stop and look for other swimmers and they are all to my right so I correct myself and off I go again the rejoin others as we make our way over the choppy Lough while looking down at the jelly fish trying to spot the ones with the long tentacles or worse brown in colour, then š„ boom outta nowhere its like jellyfish soup the sea has turned into jellyfish porridge hundreds of thousands of them, on hand entry your grabbing them, under the water all I can feel is jellies its so bad I canāt put my face in the water thereās just to many of them so I just sight and swim with my head out of the water and every 30 seconds try put me face back in to see if I have passed them. After what felt like ages but was probably just a minute I cleared the mass of jellies to just the normal 50/60 per sq metre, it was a relief to see a wet suit Iād seen earlier so at least I was on the right track and when I stopped to check heād done the same and we both pointed out hands in the same direction, at race brief they mentioned a White House on the hill, now all I could see was flipping white houses and I knew the island had trees but it was still to far away so the trees on the island looked like the trees on land so head down and go again and as I got close to the island I hit the second mass gathering of jellies so same drill as before and plough on till I passed them. Rounded the last island and could make out the orange glow of the fire lanterns at the slip exit point and only 400 meters to go and at this stage I was thinking maybe I should have worn that neoprene cap as my head was very cold. Got to the exit and the wind was blowing the swimmers to the left so a kayak was directing us back to the tiny two foot wide exit point, pulled myself across the rocks till I could find my footing tried to stand up and fell backwards got up again hands and knees this time till I found the slip looked up and Conor was only feet away made my way out of the water up to the official dibbed into T1 and the lads had a chair for me so got the wetsuit off dry robe on swimming trunks off and just wanted to sit with the robe on and try warm up I was freezing, grabbed the towel and started to dry off legs and had Conor pour warm water over my feet before I quickly dried them and got socks on just finished dressing and went to stand up and started shaking uncontrollably all over,straight away I seen the early signs of hypothermia, A lady passed by and said Iāll get you a coffee but I just wanted to get out on the bike and warm up, Paul had gone ahead to photograph me leaving T1 so I walked the bike with Conor to the exit when the lady came back holding a cup of coffee out for me jeez I thought how kind was she but again knew I needed to warm up as quickly as I could so thanked her again and kept going and at the mount line went to throw my leg over the saddle when Iād seen I was after dropping my chain BOLLIX I roared as Conor wet to put it back on and I finally got on the road Swim time 1:17:50 T1 15:44 for a 1:33 total and only three mins down on my estimated time. Iād opted for proper cycling shorts over a Tri suit simply because it was going to be very wet and very long, a base layer cycling jersey and long sleeve jacket, this proved to be the right choice as I hit the road I was still a tad cold but could feel myself slowly warm up, If Iād warmed up to quick I knew Iād over heat and suffer even more, I prefer to be slighter colder than warmer.
First 20 km is slightly uphill but aided with a tail wind it made it easier and after 10 km I was greeted by a load of Celtman crew on a bend cheering the riders on so as always gave them a big wave and thanked them as I passed, up the Torridan pass and I started picking up riders on the hill whoād beaten me on the swim like nearly all the other competitors then the turn left and the cross wind started, wind for the day were 36kph gusting to 70kph so cycling was a full body workout. A lot of the this side of the course was on single track roads just wide enough for one car with passing places every hundred meters of so, hence for Stuart the race directors hatred of Campers and even for cyclists they can slow us down as I was catching other cyclists I could easily pass but the camper couldnāt safely so a few times I was caught behind. 40 Km in and next Beep Beep How ya boss came a voice, it was the crew passing and I shouted back just the bottle and a bar at 50km same as weād planned. So at 50km just near the top of a long drag Conor ran along side and gave me my replacement bottle and a bar and on I went. Not long after and the lights got me at the road works and all of a sudden there was half a dozen riders gathered, green and go off I set and straight into a bit of twisty downhill and I was gone ahead on my own glanced back and no one on my tail till I rounded a corner to see a tailback of traffic WTF I thought as Skipped along the outside to the head to see a bus coming in the opposite direction was wedged against a camper travelling in the same direction as me with a support sticker on the back, the race directors nightmare was now mine the driver of the camper hadnāt great English as an English speaker was trying to get them to reverse and nothing was happening till one of the athleteās who was German spoke in German after seeing it was a German registered van and guided them back till there was enough space to squeeze through and I was off again. Passed the lads at 60km as they were stopped in a car park brewing up and just kept on going up those hills, slight right change of direction and another push from the wind and I was happy with how I was progressing. Coming up on 90km and I was thinking Iām gonna need the crew as I was low on carb drink and food having downed the second bottle and bars. I was just empty when the lads passed and pulled in just ahead and resupplied me.
Slight left turn and now it was cross head wind and just at the half way mark, what was amazing other than the views was the long straights I could see for the guts of a kilometre at a time and nobody was ahead of me yet as soon as I turned a corner into a hill and then Id be looking at two or three riders on the climb ahead of me that I couldnāt see on the straight, but as we passed weād all have a little chat and wish each other well even commenting on the swim and the amount of jellies. The lads passed and at this stage the sun made one of its rare appearances and I needed to lose the jacket so I flagged the lads down they pulled in and I swapped for a gilet. Theyād only gone 400 meters up the road and were pulled in again that rare glimpse of the sun was gone and it was lashing again so needed the jacket back on. Onto the longest climb of the day and the 17km drag at Dundonnell, as I had the file on my wahoo I could scroll through the pages and see the hill profile and as I looked up the road to every turn I knew even that wasnāt the top, I did make an error of passing a poor girl about 3/4 way up as she looked up to the top I said sorry but thatās not the top its still a couple of kilometres away yet, to which I think the arse fell outta her world and she lost the will to live. Again the lads passed me fed me from the side of the road my staple for the day of a ham cheese croissant or one of my home made protein flap jacks or both. Once over that I knew Iād a super decent of the same again 17km so just buried the head and went for it but man was it scary with those cross winds at this stage weād a wide section of road up on an exposed mountain side where the safest place was in the middle of the road were you had a chance to recover from being blown sideways as you passed through rock passes and even lorries in the opposite direction would cause a huge amount of cross wind. As I neared the bottom I seen a sign post 20 km to Garve so a quick calculation and I was ahead of my predicted time by close to 45 mins and well inside the cutoff of 11 hrs to T2a, Iād planned 2 hrs for the 17 km section from T2 to T2a and now felt very confident id easily make it.
Near the last turn and I spotted the lads chatting to a car Iād seen all day leap frog me it was another team in a Tesla and I thought Conor being Conor was talking cars so passed no remarks and cracked on. Later I found out his car had locked him out and he needed Conorās phone to ring Tesla to have it unlocked, and then later he had worse luck he had a blow out and had to call for a recovery truck.
Last feed staton for the lads and yep ham and cheese croissant and a fresh bottle this time an electrolyte tablet before the turn at Garve and I shouted right go ahead to the roundabout which was 30 km up the road. Then the gates of hell opened I made the right turn and the blast of wind that hit me caught me by suprise I thought it was a gust first, then it didnāt dissipate but stayed constantly in my face I was changing from the drops to the Tri bar trying to get as aero as possible but my back was in a kink and muscle pain low down was beginning to bite. The last 40 km is uphill on long open sections and I was praying for a slight ease in the wind or the road to change direction just so I could get a break from the constant hard effort required just to keep moving forward, at one stage I was on a slight downhill section and I stopped peddling so I could stretch my back and the bike ground to a halt, thatās what a 70kph head wind will do to you I can remember shouting at the top of my voice WTF JUST MAKE IT STOP FOR F**K SAKE ! Then looking behind me to make sure nobody was there, my average speed was now only 11 kph into the wind,I donāt know how but I still managed to slowly catch a few people on this section and we all looked at each other in despair at the effort and drawn out faces wondering will we ever see the end. Now at this stage I just wanted to lie down on the grass verge have a cry and get a hug off a random passer by whoād tell me it was ok and will be over soon. Then the lads came back to me and bore the brunt of my fatigue and lack of will to continue and got the first bollicking of the day, Where the F**k were you guys Iām EFFING dying out here on the road and badly need support ( remember that hug I mentioned ). To which I was told well you said go ahead to the roundabout but we came back early and in fairness they did, so I got another bar and they waited before passing and did what led to the second bollicking of the day, Conor would drive passed at 50 kph and Paul shout from the passenger window if I needed anything but before I could say anything they were twenty meters away and couldnāt hear me, so when they did it again I waved like a madman and read them the riot act for doing that, then I felt guilty only to see them stopped up the road as I needed my jacked again as a heavy shower was making its way towards us.
So at this stage Iād just over 10 km to go and said you guys better go ahead and set up T2 and Paul had to get ready to run with me, the last 4 km is normally one of the fastest as you decend into T2 but the cruel headwind put paid to that and even that was a slog as you fought for every peddle stroke, into T2 off the bike dibbed in and Conor took my bike and showed me into the field and our spot and asked what I wanted I just sat on the empty bag looked and said just take my shoes off and put my runners on so thatās what he did as I took off my cycling jacket grabbed my run pack that had the run jacket and first aid kit and a few bars got the lads to tie my laces as Iād neoprene cycling gloves still on and up and out of the field and made our way back to the road via the official who dibbed us out of T2. Bike split 7:35:44 for the 200 km T2 3:05 total elapsed time 9:18 hrs which gave me 1:45 give or take for lights and delays to make the Blue cutoff of 11:00 hours to T2b.
So off we ran and I tried to shake the jelly legs as we hit the trail it was a slow start and the legs were sore stiff and quads had slight cramps, weād only gone a few hundred meters when we could hear Conor shout from behind, he jumped onto my bike cycled after us,we managed to run out and forget to transfer the gps tracker from my cycling jacket to my run pack so I hurriedly stuffed it into one of the pockets along with a gel. It wasnāt long after this when I realised it wasnāt going to happen and the blue cutoff was just not going to happen, I did think of pushing and making it but had to also think of getting a DNF if I pushed to hard so it was then I decided to say to Paul, ease up buddy its not gonna happen today my legs just donāt have it that last 40 km on the bike cost me close to an hour more than it should have and the Blue is gone so Iād rather make it to the finish then not.
So we fast walked the uphills and jogged the flats and down hills, for the next couple of kmās till we hit the forrest and the first real uphill climb. It was about then I gave Rita a call as I knew Iād lose phone reception shortly and wasnāt sure when Iād get it back just to let her know I was ok and wasnāt able to run or make the blue cut off. The climb was boggy wet slippy and knee high gorse and close to the top the trail just vanished and your left trying to spot orange marker ribbons that make the route, not very easy as donāt forget its still blowing a gale and trees blow in the wind. We make it to the top and onto a hydro road were the gradient is about 14% and once over the top see an aid station and its like manna from heaven, real coke with salty pretzels cinnamon swirls and chocolate, so we have a chat bit of banter quick drink and off we set again, at this stage we must have been passed by a dozen other competitors and my thinking is sod it blue is gone its not about time just finishing now so just let them pass and we make it to T2b an hour over my estimated time but ready for the toughest section and not knackered. So as we start climbing the hill shelters us from the wind and the climb just seems to go up and up now not at a savage gradient but enough to tire you out, then the rain starts as we round a corner into the wind, then we hear a wailing sound that stops us in our tracks WTF we say and carry on till we pass a mountain rescue crew who are in great spirits at a river crossing waving their arms and egging us to walk through the river, its has huge boulders you can jump across but Paul decides f**k it and just marches straight in and across the river saying sure me feet are already soaking so what the hell. The guys tell us it carries on up for another 15 mins or so before levelling out, an hour and a half later we find it now only starts to level out and wonder how some folk can run this section as its just rocky trail and very hard to do at any kind of speed as your constantly looking at where to place tor foot both of us did stumble a lot as our ankles gave way and we went down to prevent injury, have a look at my short video in the comments for an idea of the weather across the top. So on we trudged over the small hills for what seemed like a age white the two of us with our hands stuffed up our sleeves to cold to stop and get the gloves out for fear of getting to cold and even to cold to look at our watches to see how far weād com till I bit the bullet and seen we still had ten km to go and still no sign of the downhill section off the mountain. Finally we passed the last mountain rescue crew who had great news, weād reached the top of the decent and we ran down along the river through a small wood and onto the las 3/4 km of road. Only for Paul to say eh thereās Conor up there and sure as s**te stinks there he was, Rita and everyone watching had seen me as retired on the gps tracker as it hadnāt moved from T2b, remember I stuffed into a pocket with a gel the foil gel wrapper blocked the signal and he came to see us at the first opportunity off the mountain to make sure I hadnāt , so he made his way in the car back to the finish and Paul and myself enjoyed the last few kms on the road saying probably the only benefit of having absolutely s**tty weather was the fact weād no midges to deal with as it was far to windy and plus I donāt think they like lashing rain as much as we did either.
So a hundred meters from the line we were reunited with Conor and our Tri colour as the three of us ran over the imaginary line,it was to windy for the usual inflatable finish line and to the last dibber checker checked us in for a finish time of 15:46 before I handed over dibber and gps tracker received my bottle of Celtman beer and and what looked like a till receipt but was in fact the printout of my time. So we went inside for a plate of cheese pasta and a cup of soup and a chat with some fellow wet cold tired Celtman competitors.
We didnāt hang round to long as weād still the hour drive back to the B&B and a hot shower. So when we got back Roy was waiting to hear all about it as heād also thought Iād DNFād as he seen retired on the tracker app but was delighted to hear weād done it and completed the Celtman. He offered to run me a bath in their own bathroom but I opted got the quicker option of a shower and a quick check of the legs and arms for ticks, before I got into comfy warm dry clothes and we sat in the room again for a few well deserved beers as Roy joined us for a bit of banter and slagging, as we munched our way through crisps nuts chocolates biscuits and anything we could lay our hands on, so after those first few beers I fancied an aul vino Tinto so poured a glass then a second when I heard that voice saying Damian itās bed time, so I left the lads and intended sitting on the bed and calling Rita but alas I hit the bed and it was lights out till next morning.
So back up to Torridon for the tee shirt presentation and group photo and its here where I learned it had taken a fair toll on athletes with something like over 10% of DNFās I can understand why and felt for those poor folk whoād put in a lot of time and effort to get there only to suffer leave it all in the mountains and not make it to the finish, I spoke to one or two and they had made peace with it and accepted it for what it was, they gave it their best shot this time and it wasnāt to be. Now I have to say they are probably bigger men than me as I donāt think I could accept it that easy itād take me a long time to swallow that bitter pill.
I still do feel a little disappointed I didnāt make the blue cut off and on any other year would have been inside the cut-off but those who did make it were just stronger and faster than me, I just have to add the fastest lady finished fifth overall which is only super human and I struggle to get my head round that and Iām in awe of her. I did make it into the top five in one category well its not really a category, I was 4th fasted in T2 overall so Iāll take that as a small win.
So after the ceremony it was back to the B&B and a few beers out on the deck overlooking the Lough and I opened my Fatherās Day cards from Rita and the kids see photo below,and yep the sun was shining it was nice and calm there were no midges and why the f**k couldnāt we have gotten this weather yesterdayā¦.
