Jason half marathon

07/03/2020

So...... been away from here for ages as Iv not really been doing much on the running side over the last couple of months but I’m back now.
In a month I will be doing my first half marathon of the year when I do the grand union canal half, running from Uxbridge in London to Watford down the grand union canal (hence the name).
As always I will be asking people to donate to https://thegreydog.org. You can donate through their page of my donation page which has a link somewhere on this page. Give what you can and I’ll match what you give out of my own pocket.

The Grey Dog Trust is a charity that aims to challenge the stigma of mental health in young people. The charity uses music as a tool to start the conversation

06/12/2019

Been a regular gym goer for like 6 months now and done a couple of runs and Iv noticed that there really isn’t many heavily tattooed runners Iv seen.......think I need to start my own running group for tattooed people haha

28/11/2019

So on Sunday I did a thing, did the half marathon around silverstone and got a time I was pretty chuffed with, my ankle was still really bad and I did have to walk a little bit towards the end but I knew it would. The half marathon distance is definitely my favourite as it is a challenge but not to much.
I hope to build my ankle up aver the next couple of months so next time I do one I won’t have to walk any of it.
While doing it it gave me a lot of time to think about stuff and realise what is important to me. My friends (and by that I mean people that make an effort) will come first, I’m done chasing people that don’t make an effort with me, I’m to old for that s**t haha. The friend that wished me good luck and asked how it went, to you, thanks.

24/11/2019

Got a new PB today at silverstone, my ankle was absolutely killing me by the end but made it across the finish line 2 hours 11, took 3 minutes of my last time. Now I’m in need of a rest and will be looking for next one over the next couple of weeks.
Running around the track was an amazing experience and I only got distracted a couple of times. I feel pretty sore but very relaxed and good at the moment, 2 hours of my own company gave me time to think over a couple of things I needed to sort out and that’s always a good thing.
Onwards and upwards to the next race...

24/11/2019

Doing the silverstone half marathon today and can’t fu***ng wait

21/11/2019

On sunday I’ll be running my second half marathon around silverstone race track and I can’t bloody wait, Iv not been so out there about this one as I’m doing this one for myself and not a charity so not really felt the need to post a lot about it, plus the people that knew I was doing it anyway.
A few things have come to me over the last couple of weeks and Iv realise I need to stop chasing things I’m never going to get, as the saying goes, you’ll just wear you shoes out, and I can’t afford shoes as I spend all my money on coats haha. So from now on I’m going to stop chasing people that don’t want to know me, stop texting people that don’t text back and just stop trying to make an effort with people that show none to me. So if you are reading this and this sounds like you then 👋. I need to focus on myself more and be a little bit more selfish I think. Plus the close friends I have are all I really need anyway.

02/11/2019

Iv been off the page for a while as Iv been busy and I decided to get the front of my leg tattooed which stopped me from running as it was swollen up like balloon haha. But went for a quick run tonight in the rain in these new shoes and I have to say I already love them. I was weary about them as Iv never used barefoot before but they are so comfortable and it really does just feel like I’m running in socks haha. They will take a bit of getting used to but I reckon they will benefit me in the long run.
You may not know I’m doing another half marathon at the end of November that I can’t wait for, getting the chance to run round silverstone is something that I couldn’t turn down (as always donation button on the page) where I will find out just how good these shoes are.

05/10/2019

I’m going back to the gym for the first time since my run last weekend and genuinely can’t wait. Iv missed getting on the treadmill and just going for a run. Iv found running is not only a good way to keep fit physically but it also really helps me process everything that is going on in my messed up head. Iv missed the chance to just forget about everything and just focus on one foot in front of the other.
How many people can honestly say they are happy at the moment, I’m 30 something (34 I think) years old and can’t actually remember the last time I was truly happy. I wasn’t happy for a long time when I was with my ex wife and haven’t really found my happy place since. I go to work, I go to the gym and I go home, this is my life pretty much every day. I don’t have a lot of friends and I don’t really have much of a social life so most of the time I just feel invisible to the world, that I don’t matter or no one would really miss me if I was gone. I don’t have a family and only really have 1 person that I speak to on a regular basis, so I doubt anyone really would notice.
I hate the way I look and hate the way I feel most of the time, Iv always compared myself to others and never felt good enough for anything. Iv never felt like I deserve to be happy and that I never really will. Everyone has a place and a purpose in this world and I believe mine is to make others happy and not myself, I seem to be better at that haha.
I’m okay with all of this and am okay with my place in the world, I know I’ll never be properly happy again and I know I’ll never get what I want or what what I deserve, but as long as I can make others happy that’s all that matters in the end isn’t it.

04/10/2019

So, Iv been off this page for a week to recover from the weekend and what a weekend it was. My first half marathon (or run of any distance really) and I managed to get round the course in 2 hours 14 minutes and 1 second according to my chip. I’m very happy with this time but now have the bug so am now doing another one at the end of November running around the silverstone race track so I would still like people to donate to The Grey Dog charity, they need it more than you do. I will keep you up dated on the next chapter of my running story and hopefully I can get a better time next time.

10/09/2019

Been off the page for a couple of days sorting myself out but back in the gym tonight with just over 2 weeks till my run.
Today I want to talk more about why I do what I do.
I know I'm a broken person. Mentally as well as physically. I haven't been sleeping much at all the last few weeks because I keep having nightmares, maybe a couple of hours a night most nights and running on autopilot most days. I got to have lay in this morning so didn't feel like death warmed up. The nightmare I have every night is always the same, I won't say what but some people know, night after night.
The last couple of month have been some of the hardest iv been through for years and I'm not ashamed to admit that I thought about ending it on more than one occasion, but I have 1 friend I know I can count on to talk to, even if its just a couple of texts, she keeps me going.
Since 2013 I have attempted su***de twice, the first time I was found by the person I lived with after I left my ex wife and the second I called the ambulance myself after I'd taken an overdose because I freaked out.
I don't see this as a weakness anymore, I know that no matter how bad it gets it will get better one day, and it doesn't last. Some days are still really hard for me, where I just want to stay in bed and cry and I have my good days where I feel good about myself. Most days I feel alone and that no one understands my or what iv been through, but that is okay.
You are never alone and things do get better......

05/09/2019

As men we don't talk about mental health enough or about are feeling in general enough, I'm guilty of this as well as the rest of you. We think we have to play the hard man act all the time and if we have feeling we are somehow weak or not manly.
So today's post is all about me and the feelings I have.
Every day I wake up the first thing I do is try not to cry as I remember all the things iv lost and are missing out on when it comes to my kids. I get up, usually go to work, where I'm around men all day so have to put on the brave face and pretend everything is fine, when 90% of the time I just want to be left alone.
Iv been through s**t in my life life no one should go through, from being abandoned by one parent and almost killed by another, amongst other things. This makes me very edgy around people and makes me f**k most relationships I have with people up because I'm scared of getting close to people. It's only in the last couple of years that Iv started to come to terms with what iv been through thanks to the couple of friends I know I can rely on.
My mental health is far from good, most days it's just feels horrible being me, I hate my body (one reason I'm slowly covering it in tattoos), and the way I look in general. My body is covered in scares from cuts and broken bones that have been inflicted on me. I hate the way I sound and the way I think people are looking at me all the time, judging me for just trying to survive. I act like Im a confident person but that's all it is, an act, one iv got very good at over the years.
I have nightmares on a nearly nightly basis about certain people that are no longer in my life but it feels like they are still in control of me, even though I haven't seen them in years, which means I'm constantly tired and that makes me feel worse. I'm sorry this was a long one but it's better in than out, plus I doubt you'll get this far anyway haha.