19/11/2023
Dealing with stigma and prejudice is never easy. I faced it as a gay man coming put in the early 1990s. I faced it when was coming to terms with my bipolar diagnosis in the early noughties. I have faced it as a Labour Party member, a trade unionist and even as students' union activist (but i guess i have been fortunate enough to have enough white, middle class male privilege to overcome all of that!!)
So when i was diagosed as HIV+ in 2010 (soon after my 40th birthday) there was still so much stigma and prejudice especially amongst the gay community and I felt such deep shame that i had become HIv+ that over the past 13 and half years I have told very few people (and none of my family will have known until they read this)
I told perhaps a dozen of my cloest and most important friends (including David & Andrew, Jan, Fiona, Ray & Paul); my 2 bosses at Brighton SU - my great friend Carolyn and her successor - because I knew that this had the potential to play havoc with my mental health and impact my job; and I told my most recent ex-boyfriend at that time.
They were the only people outside of medical professionals who knew.
In the late summer of 2015 my viral load had reached such a level that it was felt neccessary for me to start taking antiretrovirals (3 tablets a day forever).
At work me and the team were about to enter the 2015 Freshers Period so i asked if I could delay the start of taking tablets until after freshers.
Rhat was never going to be a good time for me to remember taking tablets!
So after Freshtival 2015 I started the tablets. Within 8 weeks my viral load had become undetectable which means the number of copies of the HIV virus in my system have become so low that rhey are undetectable. It is impossible for me to pass the virus on.
Advances in medication saw 3 tablets a day become one.
I don't wear my HIV status on my sleeve but I never lie about my status when I am asked nor do I ever put my sexual partners at risk (and in being upfront and honest about this i have been blocked on social dating apps by gay men that quite frankly should be better educated about HIV than they are)
And that really should have been the end of this story (a story that I really never wanted to share and if the truth be told still do not)
My life expectancy is normal (it will not be the HIV that kills me but probably the f**s or booze or even ripe old age)
So why am I sharing this with you so publicly now?
Over the past few weeks it has become apparent that someone locally is using my HIV status and treatment regimen as a weapon against me. Friends of mine have been told of my HIV status been warned off and away from me.
I don't know who has been doing this nor their motivation. Yes I know I can be a stubborn, pig headed disagreeable bastard at times and I have had more than my fair share of arguments and disagreements and falling outs with people over the years but whoever is doing this is driven by spite and malice.
The aim of this post is to take the wind out of the perpetrator's sails and the sting out of whatever they thought they would achieve.
If you carried on reading this far then i thank you.
If you decide you don't want to be my friend anymore because I'm HiV+ then off you f**k.
And if you still want to be my friend then I remain extraordinarily grateful because friends matter a great deal to me. You matter to me. And I know i do not say that often enough.
Its been a pretty s**t few weeks at the worsr possible time for my mental health but I don't want your sympathy.
I want to turn this s**tty, difficult situation caused by an anonymous coward into a positive moment that i own with you.
1st December is World AIDS Day and the stigma and prejudice that those people who live with HIV and AIDS Is very real. So please buy and wear a red ribbon.
And please give a donation (small or large) to The Terrence Higgins Trust who continue to do excellent work in combating HIV and AIDS in the UK and beyond.
Thank you.
With much love
MCx
