31/03/2026
After much consideration, we’ve made the difficult decision to remove the kids’ play area from our garden, effective immediately.
We know this may come as a surprise, so we want to be transparent about why:
• Our resident plants have filed multiple formal complaints about excessive giggling and “unpredictable running patterns.”
• Several toys have expressed burnout and are seeking quieter career paths.
• A focus group of birds described the play area as “a bit chaotic.”
• We’ve received anonymous feedback that the slide is “too fun” and causing productivity issues among adults.
• One of our chairs reported being used as a pirate ship and is still recovering.
We appreciate your understanding during this transition to a more… chilled café experience.
(Please direct all complaints to no one, nobody cares)
Cheers,
Oat House Team
APRIL FOOLS!
