30/05/2026
🍩 RESULTS #368: THE RETURN OF THE DEPARTMENT OF EXCESSIVE PACE. Mudjimba Beach parkrun Event number 368 - 30th May 2026. Something unusual happened at Mudjimba Beach parkrun this week, which is as most of our readers will know, also totally normal. Actually, several unusual things happened. Firstly, as if in response to our recent ‘slow weekTM’, the mysterious trio known only as the Department of Excessive Pace returned. Secondly, donuts appeared. Thirdly, 47 people recorded Personal Bests. Now, we are not saying these events are connected. We are merely presenting the facts and allowing our community to draw their own conclusions. For newer readers, the Department of Excessive Pace is a little-known group of three runners who periodically materialise at Mudjimba Beach parkrun, run alarmingly fast, take out the first three places, exchange knowing glances, and disappear like into the crowds, evaporating into the coastal morning air like a mirage wearing prototype runners. Most curiously, despite repeated sightings, they never appear in the results. This is because they never scan their barcodes. Nobody knows why.
Theories include:
- They are elite prototype pacers being tested by parkrun Australia
- They are members of an advanced alien civilisation that communicates entirely through negative splits
- They are secretly attempting to complete 500 parkruns without ever appearing in a results database (known as the ‘top secret challenge’ - we expect the parkrun app to be updated shortly.
Whatever the explanation, the result is the same. The runners arrive, run extremely quickly catching our timekeeper by surprise, leave no official record, refuse to elaborate, and vanish before anyone can ask sensible questions.
🍩 The Donut Connection. Coincidentally - and we use that term in its loosest possible sense - the return of the anomaly was accompanied by the sudden appearance of donuts thanks to a visit from a local school. The MBp Nutritional Performance and Confectionery Oversight Committee (NPCOC) immediately convened an emergency meeting. Questions currently under investigation include:
- Were the donuts intended as a reward?
- Were the donuts intended as bait?
- Are donuts the preferred fuel source of the Department of Excessive Pace?
- Does possession of a donut increase speed?
- How many donuts are be required to go sub 15 minutes?
At this stage, the committee has consumed all available evidence and is unable to provide further comment.
📊 The Numbers: This week 274 people ran, jogged and walked the course, of whom 36 were first timers and 47 recorded new Personal Bests. Representatives of 15 different clubs took part. The MBp Top Brass would like to point out that 47 PBs is a very suspicious number during a week featuring both mysterious fast runners and donuts. Again, no conclusions are being drawn. Officially.
🦺 Volunteers; This week's event was made possible by 16 volunteers: Amanda BINGHAM • Tania PROCTOR • Andrew KAYE • Neil CAMPBELL • Dennis PENDER • Helen GRANT • Denice GARBUTT • Nick SHEW • Chelline NEL • Wibke JAMES • Richard BINGHAM • Susan WHITE • Lucy WITTHOLZ • Jo-Anne WARD • Johann SPIES • Aurora SPIES. Special thanks to our first-time volunteers: Jo-Anne Ward, Aurora Spies, Johann Spies. Without volunteers there would be no timing, no finish tokens, no barcode scanning and absolutely no way of identifying members of the Department of Excessive Pace if they ever decided to scan a barcode.
🏅 Milestones Congratulations to: David Munro and Nicholas Barrett 25 parkruns. A quarter-century of parkruns each. Well done both.
👋 First Timers: A warm welcome to our 14 first-time parkrunners: Jade Levin, Wilf Smith, Hamish Turner, Corbin Turner, Frankie Pesu, Emma Pesu, Bess Smith, Kieren Riethmuller, Elisabeth Smith, Blake Eastwood, Simon Eastwood, Charlotte Stokes, Poppy Clareburt and Hamish Clareburt. Congratulations on successfully: finding the start line, completing the course, returning your finish token and learning that unexplained donut appearances are apparently considered normal around here
🚀 Personal Bests: 47 Personal Bests were recorded this week. Ryan Carins, Daniel Blake, Hazel Hoolihan, Ryan Claridge, Jessica Finn, David Graham, River Thompson, Dan Smith, David Cooper, Sebastian Walker Restrepo, Kayla P, Drew Miller, 颯冴 浅野, Ronaldo Wilton, Chase Giampaolo, Anthony Giampaolo, Jonathan Hall, Marty Bellantoni, Oliver Farrow, Leo Woods, Jayden P, Milly Wynand, Amber Rattray, Hayley Gillie, Zachary Morris, Trevor Schulz, Theunis Kotzee, Eli Williams, Sonny Petts, Lauren Piunti, Fanie Van Der Walt, Emily Walker Restrepo, Kristy Collis, Nicholas Barrett, James Airey, Carla Renee Sherwood, Anna Petts, Caelan Rooney, Layla Rooney, Chelsie Rooney, Wendy Friend, Adele Kotzee, Ross Connor, Fiona Greenway, Evelyn Airey, Joseph Gilles, Kelly De Gunst. Either: conditions were excellent, training is paying off or everyone was subconsciously motivated by the possibility of post-run baked goods. The committee remains open-minded.
📈 Approaching A Major Milestone. Since starting on 1st September 2018, Mudjimba Beach parkrun has now seen: 15,718 participants, 79,901 parkruns completed, 399,505 km covered, 10,829 Personal Bests, 779 volunteers contributing 5,339 volunteer efforts. Which means we are now just 495 km short of 400,000 km completed. That is an astonishing achievement by this community.
🏁 Final Thoughts: The Department of Excessive Pace returned. Donuts appeared. 47 PBs were recorded. And once again not a single member of the DEP scanned a barcode. The mystery deepens. The MBp Top Brass will continue monitoring the situation and hopes to gather further evidence next week. Preferably in donut form.
parkrun Australia
