Bucket List Words: Words To Live Before We Die

19/11/2015

How to Fix A Le***an

She hung her arms over my shoulders like a coat on a rack. And it was like I did Tai Chi as I followed the way she danced. The music wasn’t something I cared to remember, But I was grateful to it for bringing our bodies together - That song, at that moment, was marriage, And forever was in its three minutes and thirty seconds. She smelt of stardust at the edge of a solar flare, And I was falling in love, soaring through the air. It wasn’t supposed to happen, You see I am straight. And she is a le***an.

One minute you are minding your own business, the next minute you are losing your mind. You can’t chose who you love - I am a witness. I loved something about her you cannot see, I suppose this is why love is blind. Even though she didn’t love men, I loved women, and she was the opposite s*x. A frame of mind cannot change the frame in which we abide - Because I was still aware of her feminine essence, The soft drip of each of her curves, She had nerves, Of steel, But tenderness on her skin, and grace over every part. Did it matter that I was a man? I did not love you with my p***s darling, I loved you with my heart.

I was in love with my le***an best friend. Have you heard of the friend zone? This was the friend zone on steroids! The hybrid baby of Guantanamo Bay and Fort Knox. But love… love sometimes… the kind of love I had, doesn’t give you a choice. Love can be an emperor, its wishes commands, its will must be done like the world was its genie, So if this friend zone was inescapable, my love made me believe I was mother fu**in Houdini.

She didn’t suspect. Either oblivious or obfuscating stupidity, She would hold my hand And point pretty girls out to me - Whispering “Yours or mine?” It was a game we played were we tried to guess which one of us a woman would be into, And then if we were in the mood, each of us would approach her with a pick up line. She won most of the time, she said she could tell - she just knew… Even the straightest looking girl had tells, Even the woman who couldn’t even tell herself. She gestured to a girl with the tilt of her head and smiled wickedly “Yours or mine?” I did not look at the girl, I looked at her, I looked into her eyes. And she looked back into mine, a little confused as I cupped her face in my hands - My hands on her face, still, like a broken clock, Because time had stopped. My heart has loved a lot, and you could call it second hand. But all past loves were forgot, And I saw a world, in a grain of sand, Like William Blake’s Auguries of Innocence, I held eternity in an hour - I said to her “Your sclera, your iris, and your pupil… look like a sunflower” She opened her mouth to say something - That is when I kissed her.

It got weird after that. All she said was “I can’t - I just can’t” I watched her walk away from me and thought to myself there really was a way to get out of the friend zone, Do something that will make her unfriend you. I made a decision right then, when she left me alone- Convinced by our kiss that this love was true.

She started to make excuses not to see me, She’d text to see how I was, and make conversation. But when I asked if we could meet up or where she’d be, I got a verbal busy tone - I’m out of town, working late, or some such explanation. All the while I was changing, Certain - That I could fix a le***an, And make her admit that she loved me, sans my s*x. We are all flowing water, and some of us get to fall, I remember when the changes started to take effect. And I would not pick up her call; “Please can we just text” And we would, back and forth with smiley faces and lols, And it would almost seem like everything was cool again; Like I was one of the girls, And this was Ladies Night - Kool and the Gang.

Months passed, and I was finally ready, And I suppose, she was finally ready. She waited for me at what had been our favorite spot. And she waited. Waited for me, even while she glanced at me a lot. And smiled at me flirtatiously. She waited alone at a table for one, Eyeing the beautiful girl that sat alone at a table for one. Who eyed her back - who loved her more than she could imagine. I told you this story was about fixing a le***an, After the ge***al surgery, facial feminization, breast augmentation and every other surgery, I had fixed a le***an - me.

02/09/2015

You will not be able to stay home, brother. You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out. You will not be able to lose yourself on s**g and skip out for beer during commercials, Because the...

22/08/2015

I read in the bible that God dwells in thick darkness

I. I read in the bible that God dwells in thick darkness. Then why did you make me feel ashamed of my darkness? You told me monsters are the ones that live in the darkness, no, no, within this...

20/08/2015

You. By SResq

I. I want to entwine you. F**k definitions. What ever it is, or means, I dig with my fingers let the dirt crumble through, I want to mine you. Feel you drip from my hands, like dipped in honey, thick....

19/08/2015

Kite by Rives

I mistook a garbage truck for thunder.

The morning after the first night we made love,
I dreamt thunder was chasing rain
through your neighborhood,
flooding the streets and keeping the two of us
indoors for days or even weeks,
until some old prophet could drop, by in an ark,
to take us and the rest of the paired-up animals
to a very high place, or an island maybe,
where we could just
sleep naked for a living.

But the thunder was a garbage truck.
And when my eyes woke up
a note on your pillow said:
"Good morning, Sparkle Boy!
I'll be back around noon.
You--make yourself at home."
And so I did.

Maybe.

I'm saying maybe I put on your slippers,
which were as comfortable as bunnies
because they were bunnies,
and then shuffled over my new favorite
hardwood floor to the bathroom
where maybe I took a bubble bath,
which is not something I can do at my place
because, frankly, my tub is way too sk**ky
to ever sit my bare ass down in.
And then maybe I got so caught up in the romance of the suds
I started quoting old Latin poetry from my college days
like: "fulsere quondam candidi tibi soles..."
You know: "Verily a bright sun does favor me this morning...muthaf**ka!"

And then maybe I...played with myself.
But it’s not what you’re thinking--
I’m saying possibly I just sorta
stuck my hand up like a puppet from the water, going:

HAND: "Somebody got laid last night!
Ha-ha-haaaa!
It was youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!"

Or whatever.

And then maybe I...played with myself,
and it's exactly what you're thinking.
But if I did, it was only to put
the mental motion picture of our naked night together
on replay and replay and replay
so touching myself was just like...
Tivo in a way.

And yes, I was still wet when I borrowed your bathrobe.
And yes, I baked apples in your oven
and then ate them with your honey, honey.
And yes, I scared the birds away from your balcony
with my antics, dancing full-blast
to your old Prince CD's--
but please let’s just keep that my little secret,
because nothing is as private as a solitary dance
unless--maybe--it's standing in front of a full-length mirror
in a borrowed pair of bunny slippers,
slipping off a bathrobe and then wishing to a lightbulb
that my name, or my game, or my whatever were bigger,
wondering: "What kind of woman wants this skinny kid for her warrior?"

And so I made for you a kite, enormous,
out of coat hangers, brown paper bags
and the masking tape from that drawer in your kitchen,
and I hung it in the hallway
where you couldn’t hardly miss it,
and I tagged that kite with my words,
I wrote:

Just so you know--

My weird mind wanders and my brave heart breaks.
I've nailed some milestones, but I've made mistakes,
Cuz I got more faults than a map of California earthquakes.

I am taking a nap beneath your covers.
Wake me if you like me.
Wake me if you want me
Wake me if you need another poem.

Your once and future lover
has made himself at home.

05/08/2015

Hello Everyone! We've changed our name to Bucket List Words, these are beautiful words we all should live before we die... or at least read. Please follow us on tumblr at bucketlistwords.tumblr.com and twitter and we will follow back.

05/08/2015

13/05/2014

Advice for my daughters about Men.

1. Darling, never chase a man. I'm not saying a woman can't chase a man, she can. I'm saying you shouldn't chase a man, because chasing a man may put you on the same level as a man, great, but it means you came down from your pedestal, not so great. You'd have to lower yourself for it. Honey men chase you because you are a prize they wish to possess, a prized possession. Something to be cherished when caught. When you chase a man you tell him two things, that you are desperate, and that you have no faith in yourself to believe any man would chase after you, so you're taking matters into your own hands.

2. The only way a man will ever be happy in a relationship is if he feels he married up. If he feels like the lucky bastard. There are many compliments to pay a man, many ways to show your appreciation. But saying you don't deserve him should never be one. You deserve him, he is the one that doesn't deserve you. Go the extra mile, out your way for him, not because its a desperate attempt to keep him or to outdo other women, but do it because you are something he can't deserve. If someone kicks you, and you kick them back, they got what they deserve. If someone kicks you and you forgive them and walk away, they got more than they deserved. Be more. For your own sake.

3. Men don't like to be nagged. Darling, there is a saying, never kick a man when he is down. Remember that should words ever touch your tongue that point out an obviously negative situation. And by obvious I mean exactly that. A broke man knows he is broke. A broken man knows he is broken, even a man in the wrong knows he is in the wrong. It is very obvious to him. He doesn't need you to point it out for him. Don't volunteer to be the spokesperson for a negative situation.

4. Not all men are dogs. But not all good men are yours. I want to tell you, my love, the secret to get a man who is right for you. Work. That's the secret. Work. And I don't mean a job honey, I don't mean a nine to five. A man always knows the woman he wants to be with him forever the moment he lays eyes on her, but before that, a man is likely to try many other women. Work is why I would advise you to keep chaste. A man who knows in his heart of hearts that you are his will still make it work if you ask him to wait for s*x until after marriage. I'm not asking you to be old fashioned, I'm just telling you that both dogs and good men all want s*x, but only the right man is willing to wait. I understand that you want s*x too. But when you make love the first priority, I promise you will have earth shattering, mind boggling s*x.

5. Every man wants to be a hero. No. Every male wants to be a hero. Even the little boy who dashes to pick something up that you've dropped. Know this and the world will walk with you, forget it and you will walk a lonely path; every man has a need to feel important. The drunk in the bar to the pope in his big hat, every man just wants to be valid. So treat him like parking and validate. Validate the guy who serves you coffee in the cafe, validate the man who sells you vegetables, validate the little boy from next door, and validate the man God has given you to help. He was helpless before you, but validate him. It is a man's world my love, because men want to feel important, so if you validate them, they are yours, and so is their world by default.

6. Darling. Don't be fooled. If a man rapes you, it was not your fault. If a man beats you, it was not your fault. If a man cheats on you, he does not love you, baby it is not your fault. But let me not put you under any illusion, if you stay with a man who continues to beat you or cheat on you, it becomes your fault. Men can be brutes, animals in human clothing, they can use words to oppress you, they will use you if you let them, daughter, if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, but acts like a shark, its a shark. Men wear disguises. Excuse a man the accidents of his life, and his mistakes, but hold his decisions as a reflection of who he is. You cannot save a person, you cannot change him, only two people can do that; God and the person. My child, know that in any situation, no one can take away your decision. And never make a decision before considering who you are. You are a gift, not a payment, you are a door, not a doormat, you are a helper, not the help, baby, you are something to love, don't deal in self love, but love yourself.

30/04/2014

An Extra Dose of Sozah:

Underneath this wicked flesh,
beats a righteous heart,
Underneath all these hurtful words,
Baby, Peace is all I want