12/05/2024
Sharing these responses, which were predominantly from Black men, so I really want to be sure I stay in my lane here - there's a lot that's out of my depth/experience - so please check me if I overstep in any way.
Why am I sharing? Simple - it's how we grow.
I know women who were curious about men's responses as it helps them better support & empathize with men in their lives.
For men, some may not know what it looks like until they hear others talking about it. It helps identify the things that feel off, but they've never been able to name.
A couple of observations from these conversations:
1) there was a common theme of heartbreak being overlooked or not seen as important. A lot of "oh well, hook up with the next one" type mentality, which completely disregards the person and what they're going through.
Breakups can be deep emotional turning points. If not processed or supported properly, it can be alchemized into something dark and sludgy.
2) realizing a lot of this has ties to men detangling from patriarchal thinking & actions. Which can result in loss of friendships that don't align outside of those frameworks.
As a woman, here's what came up for me: how incredibly difficult it is to identify the thing, while going through the thing, all while trying to get out of the thing. To put it visually - to be in a kayak that's taking on water, with people around you not offering help (some throwing weights in), so it's up to you to figure out how to stop the water/bailout what's in there, all while trying to get yourself out of it.
You're doing something that lifts you AND the collective, but it's an uphill battle (slippery icy uphill!)
It's a lot. If you're going through it, give yourself grace for how massive that all is.
The discussion about lack of support during breakups or losses, to me there's a clear thread on how that can hinder future relationships.
I can only speak for myself & these conversations were eye-opening. It reminded me of places I can show more empathy, and also ways I've fallen short with men in my life by pigeon-holing them to their past instead of acknowledging they're in a place of growth & transition.