The Goddess Collective

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A little about how The Goddess Collective was born...

(Written September 1st 2019)

Hello to all our new followers! I though I would introduce myself and tell you a bit about how The Goddess Collective came to life! ✨ My name is Evelina (or Evey for short - pronounced Ev-ee) I am 29 years old (for another three weeks eeeeek), wife to Steve and mama to our two Queens - Sienna (8) and Boston (11 months)! ✨ My little Boston was born on the 1st or October 2018, after a long and hard pregnancy! While I was pregnant I started getting severe panic attacks but thought because I had so much on my plate it would stop. I wanted to have Bossy naturally like I did with Sienna which was a relatively easy (can you even say that about labour!) and fast labour, my second stage being under two hours. But my birth with Boston turned out to be nothing like it! I was induced and put on a drop straight away to speed things up thinking it would be just as fast if not faster then my first labour! Again this was not the case! To make a long story short it was the longest and hardest 18 hours of my life, I had an epi in the end and she also got stuck. Finally she was born! ✨ I was so worried that because there was such a big age gap between our girls I wouldn't know what to do, would I get things right this time? Would I know when she needed feeding and changing and cuddling? How would I ever love anyone as much as I did Sienna. But then she was born! And the love I felt seeing Sienna with her, I have no words for! ✨ From the start our feeding journey was difficult, she was always chubby and rolly but I knew that something wasn't right! ✨ After six months of bleeding, cracked ni***es( and I mean bleeding so much I could wring blood out of my bra!) we finally saw another lactation consultant who confirmed she has both a lip and tongue tie. Finally I felt some hope. I had tried so hard to get her to take the bottle or a dummy without any hope there had been days where I had literally given her to Steve and walked out of the house, up the street and collapsed crying on the side of the road because I was so exhausted and felt like a failure. I couldn't feed my baby. I was made for this how could I not feed my baby. ✨ We started seeing an amazing chiro who to this day helped me more than I can say! She was the first person to say I needed to do something for my own mental health! We also found out that Boston was wheat and nightshade intolerant! Finally I thought, things will change now, she will finally sleep longer than an hour at a time. But no it was not the case either. ✨ At seven months she had her ties released, I was so sure this would be the turning point for us feeding a had pinned every little bit of hope I had left on it. It wasn't. It helped her eating solids immensely but made no difference to her feeding. Again I was back in darkness, I felt like I was surrounded by so much love and happiness yet I was the loneliest person in the world, feeling like a failure wondering what was wrong with me. ✨ We both developed breastfeeding thrush and the pain when feeding was unbearable. My ni***es were red raw and constantly bleeding, they looked like open wounds! (vommmm) I tried about a handful of different creams and antibiotics but nothing worked! I tried every single bottle, dummy, ni**le shield and trick to try get her on formula to no avail! ✨ This went on for almost six weeks, I cried all day, every feed I dreaded because the pain was so bad. Every time she cried I tensed and cried because I knew I would have to feed. This was not what I had planned. I was so determined to feed my baby, this wasn't how it was meant to be! ✨ Finally (only about 5/6 weeks ago!) she started to slowly take the bottle with formula. It was time to heal. She still now to this day has never drunk a full bottle of formula but she takes it most times no fuss. ✨ Some of the last 11 months have been the darkest and most loneliest of my life. I can't explain it even now. But I know now that I am certainly not a failure, in fact I'm a God damn Queen. Every single thing I've done for my kids, I would do again in a heart beat. I finally realized I had to do something for mine and my families sake. I went to my gp and said I wasn't coping, I needed help. That was hard. It took me 9 and a half months to do it. Just to say "I need help" was terrifying and so hard to say out loud not just over a vlog! ✨ I decided to post about my journey and my mental health on my vlog (@eveyyyy___ the raw mum blog) and I was blown away by the amount of strangers, people who didn't know me from a bar of soap who reached out and offered support and told me they were in the same situation but unlike me had no family for support. ✨ So The Goddess Collective was born! I wanted to unite these women who were struggling, I wanted to show them that they aren't alone, that it's OK to say 'I am not coping, I need help!' I so desperately wanted them to know that I knew their struggles, I knew their pain and heart ache and I was their tribe, you aren't alone! ✨ So what started as a little idea, something from my own darkness, was born into something beautiful and of light and love. ✨ So this is The Goddess Collective. A tribe. A movement. Let's end the stigma around postnatal depression and mental health. Let's talk about it! Let's support each other! I hope you all get as much from this as I do. I hope I and the tribe can make you feel like the Goddesses you are, because Queen you are nothing short of fu***ng amazing! Evey 🌻✨